I once had a hilarious conversation with one of my very good friends at home, it was before I was getting a tattoo and I was (as usual) going through all the irrational fears I prattle on with when I'm nervous...
Her: Don't worry, you'll be fine!!
Me: What if the needle goes in too far and pierces an organ!!??
Her: Seriously Corinne, never gunna happen!
Me: What if I get some kind of virus from a contaminated needle!?
Her: They are VERY clean, I had all my tattoos there remember??
Me: OK, but what if I don't fit on that skinny little bench, my arse is huge!!!
Her: Ummm I fat on it, you'll be fine!
The laughter helped me relax, it was awesome.
On only a slightly related note, by going home for Christmas, I've managed to feel even more like a fish out of water than ever, woohoo!!!
I didn't fit in at home, actually I fat right in, I didn't feel too bad about being so hideously fat with all the other chubbiness around me, but I didn't feel as if I was "home." Well, not entirely true, when it came to my family and friends, totally at home. But I was doing insane things like exclaiming how big my friend's baby's eyes were, craving rice, tut tutting at couples kissing in public, and not enjoying waking up whenever I wanted only to laze around the pool all day. I was yearning for a routine, a schedule!? I've turned fucking Japanese!!!
Which would be fine, except that I don't fucking fit in enough in Japan either. I never will, accepted it. Over it. But where does that leave me?? Would I get used to life at home if I went back?? Or would I always want to come back to Japan?? It was all quite confusing but I was quite happy to get back to my routine, and the customer service in Japan. Not so much to the freezing cold weather and realisation that no matter how long I stay here, I'll never be totally at home here either.
Too much life changing thinking going on for a Saturday morning though, must get back to working, which is going towards my goal of being totally debt-free by 2015. I can do it, I just have to work my arse off and not bitch and moan too much and I'll have my school, my house and any other stray loans paid off. I would have loved to have done it before I was 30, but with that horror lurking this year I just have to face that it will be 2015, my original goal was to have bought a property by 30 anyway so I got that far.
Other new year resolutions this year??
*Don't get pregnant!
*Chill the fuck out a bit
*Under no circumstances get fucking pregnant!!
*Climb mount Fuji, I've lived here 8 years, it has to be done.
*Turn 30 with grace and dignity. (HA! Not going to happen, drunken messy grace, possibly...)